Just came into a post that i wrote back in 2008 (in Greek) in my first personal blog. Its title was “Time”. First i would like to translate a few lines from this post:
I love the days that i’ve managed to go out for coffee, then go to the gym, then for a soccer game and after having a quick bath to run like crazy in order to catch a second rendezvous for a second coffee and after that to run in order to be on time for a movie in cinema. I work very hard to detach from all habits that waste my time, the moment i locate them.
The boring days bring misery, melancholy and irritation. These days look like totally wasted.
We are searching everywhere for happiness, but i think that happiness is hidden in living your life intensively like it is the last day of your vacation in Berlin and trying to taste everything in maximum because tomorrow this opportunity won’t exist.
This post was written 8 years ago and while i am reading this now it seems such a scary, exhausting approach on living. Its describes an eternal struggle against time till the day one dies. To try to live as many experiences as possible because my time is running out and the most clever thing to do would be to gather a good deal of amazing, extraordinary experiences. They look like a trophy that confirms i’ve really lived a good life.. to travel a lot, to succeed great professional achievements, to make money, to build a big house, to raise many children, or to achieve spiritual enlightenment.
So what is time, psychologically? Isn’t it the essense of “To Become“, the essense of division, of the movement from what is to what should be? I am neurotic and i expect that in a matter of time i will succeed to abolish neurotism.. I criticize my wife but i will work on that and hopefully soon i will reduce criticism. And isn’t also Time the essense of misery? I used to be excited with my girlfriend (past) but now everything is so much boring, i am feeling so sad about this change. And isn’t also Time the essense of anxiety? I earn enough to make my living now, but who guarantees that in the next few years, with this insane governmental tax policy this wage will be enough? And isn’t Time that justifies cruelty, suspicion, aggresion in relationhship, inevitably destroying it? Though its almost obvious that she loves me i have to be very careful and control her, because with all these men in her job probably soon someone will seduce her and she will leave me alone.
I wonder if there is any space for psychological/emotional problems, troubles, sorrow at all if we don’t do this mistake of jumping forward or backward in time? If I just don’t care psychologically for what happened, or what will happen am i not “condemned” in eternal happiness, joy? At this point there is huge resistance.. many people call on arguements of actual survival to justify their jumping in time. A healthy, man who is able to make his living has no reason at all to worry about time, to worry about what will happen. Still this man justifies his preventive measures upon this danger of actual survival. One still justifies the fact that he is suspicious in the arguement that if he doesn’t control everything in his job (thus being cruel, suspicious, aggresive) he will soon be exploited by somebody etc. Thinking it again, i would even question if someone that is not healthy, or isn’t making enough money to earn one’s living should get trapped in psychological Time.
It seems that it requires extraordinary alertness, awarenss, attention, every single moment to avoid being a subject to these vicious games of Time. And here its not implied that we should condemn us for being victims of Time.. here we just want to investigate if we can actually live out of Time, psychologically. We should find on our own!