A 20′ savasana meditative event after my experimental exercises allowed a rather blurry insight regarding the beauty of perception of thoughts to raise. Then it came Manolis’s post in the quality of complete neutrality of actual awareness (find it here) and another one from Kyle Cease to make the whole picture much more clear. Seems it’s about time to reconceile with thought and destroy a part of my conditioning which says thought is an enemy, a problem to be solved. Thought is not evil or good, thought is not a monstruous enemy, thought is just thought. And when it takes place, its a part of What Is.
So this insight showed there is enormous sense of beauty when just passively watching a thought appearing, evolving and going by, in a sense of complete freedom. The beauty of perception is the same when you perceive a tree, stars or a thought.
Let’s say there is a thought. Once there is a feeling of disappointment in its perception it seems this is not actual perception.. it seems the Ego, the thinker is the one who perceives. It’s the Ego who says “oh again these evil, ugly thoughts.. when will i get rid of them”. Which is actually a second thought.. a thought that says that thought is evil, ugly . Then comes a third, much more discreet and intellectual and says “you keep struggling while you know all of these thoughts are imaginary inventions of your mind”.. this third thought says thought is imaginary. So thought considers itself as an evil, ugly, imaginary enemy. Do you realize the intensity of division/conflict that takes place?
Then, if actual awareness takes place there is not this sense of emotional identification with the thought (like disappointment, irritation). The Ego, the thinker is absent, there are only the thoughts and the energy of observation/awareness that observes them. It’s like two immaterial eyes (this energy of observation) are silently watching a film, totally non identified with the characters. In such state thought can’t touch you emotionally, you don’t feel it as an enemy. It is just a thought, not good or bad. There is no need to do anything while this thought is not an irritation anymore… so thought develops in complete freedom.. in this state of absolute passiveness perception of such thought radiates a light of beauty.. exactly like the perception of a tree.. to actually observe this thought is like observing a tree… you would never consider a tree as an enemy, as something hostile.. exactly the same happens with thought, it’s just a thought..
Now what we need to do in order to get in this state of awareness? I have no idea at all.. i know only what we shouldn’t do.. to consciously put energy in these thoughts, to believe that they can actually solve issues, seems to bind us with them (identification). I also know now thought is not an enemy, not something I should try to eradicate.. so to actually abandon every conscious effort (negative approach), to put completely effortlessly myself in a state of not doing, neutrality seems to be the only thing i know that makes sense. Will this be enough? Try it and find on your own.
PS: Every effort to stop doing is actually doing.. the not doing is not the opposite of doing, its something completely different.