Yesterday night, after my DJ Set (i finished on 3.00am), i walked back home.. the road to home is a small, quiet, rather dark road with gardens/trees/fields along each side. It was windy and trees were dancing violently while the sound of the wind was almost hiding each other sound.. every now and then a few dogs were barking, a few crickets were creating their chirping sound.. and above me there was a full moon which was hiding many stars with its light, though i could still distinguish many of them. It took almost 40 minutes to cover this distance of 1000m to home, while i was stopping again and again to enjoy this enormous yet innocent beauty . Peace filled the inner, a sense of the whole body, all muscles being relaxed was evident and all anxieties as well as expectations dissappeared. Everything was in its right place!
Then came an insight.. Once true awareness takes place there is a feeling of diving into life, a feeling of the universe getting around you, embracing you tightly. There is a sense of unity, a sense that there is no distance between you and the trees, no distance between you and the stars, the whole universe bends over you till you become One with it.. though you don’t see it with your biological eyes, you feel it deep inside that you are part of the Whole. There is not a separate observer, like the “Me”,”Ego” anymore!
And this insight walked a few more steps while inner order made it possible: True awareness also carries a sense of non-identification with thoughts. The moment of pure awareness one dies psychologically, one knows one is Nothing! One doesn’t carry any images for oneself, hopes, expectations, fears. At that state of such pure perception/nothingness one actually sees one is not one’s thoughts.. this sense of nothingness makes it clear again that the observer is fictional, there is not an observer like “Me” anymore, there is only observation. This sense of de-identification makes it possible for thoughts to appear, be perceived completely non judgmentally and walk away effortlessly.
It’s quite weird because for awareness to take place needs the Me to dissolve and for the Me to dissolve awareness is quite necessary.. it sounds complicated but probably it’s not, you need to find on your own.
So once meditation actually happens, Connection with the Whole and De-Identification with Thoughts takes place while the Ego, the Me, the Observer dissolve in a Sea of Nothingness.
PS: It seems that we are living a life where we are just spectators. We never enter life, we just watch it like watching a show, a gig, trying to make some pleasure of it. We never become a part of it, so we actually don’t live.. at the same moment we are totally identifying with our thoughts, we are so deeply involved with our thoughts.. thoughts actually replace life and we “live” by means of our thoughts.. now actual awareness seems to profoundly destroy this insanity!