This diary is just a sharing of a conversation I had with a girl called Cristina (Tinacris) regarding Identification and Erotic Love. In Greek there is one word for erotic love (Eros) and another word for the Absolute Love. The conversation started with investigating what identification and de-identification are and it somehow lead to a very interesting insight on the nature of erotic love!
G:What it means to de-identify from thoughts? It seems that it doesn’t imply to struggle in order to stop thinking what I am thinking… but what exactly is the quality, the feeling of de-identification?
A thought is appearing and I am identified with it, in the sense there is emotion regarding this thought, I believe this thought is somehow important so I feel stress, anxiety, pain, pleasure, satisfaction because of this thought.. I think this is how we experience identification.. and then what is de-identification..? Is it a feeling of emptying which happens once I see the triviality of this thought (to see it really deep, to have a feeling for this triviality rather than intellectual understanding)?
T: Identification has the quality of being carried away, there is a feeling of tension in that. The feeling of de-identification has not tension, no motion, but it has depth and tranquility. I want to give a major -i think- clue.. Deidentification can happen only if identification takes place first. I can’t deidentify if identification doesn’t take place first. To avoid identification doesn’t mean deidentification, it just means avoiding/resisting identification.
G: You say a mind can either identify or resist identifying? Don’t you think its possible that a mind is not identified at all, naturally, effortlessly.
T: No, I agree with you.. the active mind can only identify, or resist identification. A man with a quiet, passive (at least for the specific subject) mind will simply not identify.
G: Yes, we meet each other
T: Also I need to notice identification is not something bad.. it’s a natural process.
G: It’s important to say that.. identification is not a monster!
T: In any case I think that Eros is the most intense identification!
G: It seems so, is there identification in true love?
T: In what sense?
G: When there is actual love, can identification take place?
T: I think actual love is, when deidentification of past identification happens. Is it confusing?
G: Not confusing at all!
T: Actually eros is identificiation..
G: Eros is identification.. I identify with..?
T: .. even if we mean the lowest level of eros, which some refer to as “lust”
G: Yes but what exactly I identify with? With the thought that the other is necessary for me? With the thought that I live through him etc? Something like that?
T: You identify with the thing you feel in love with.. I think it has nothing to do with the actual person that you relate with.
G: What is this thing you fall in love with?
T: Are you sure you want to learn from me? Don’t you want to find on your own? It could be the sense of touching the other, or the sense of one’s smell, which is pleasant, but its never the actual person.
G: Is it myself? Is it the “Me”? Is it that I identify with myself???
G: Hehe! That’s just it!
T: Exactly! You only discover Yourself! Only!
G: Wow! It’s the first time I’ve come to such perception! Thanks Cristina