What is this thing we call Ego? It seems its essentially that sense that there is a Me and a You, that i am different, divided, separate psychologically from other people. A friend just pointed out that the Ego is born the very moment we characterize our self. The writer would like to notice the Ego is when we even feel there is a Self (which implies division, separation). This is the essence of Ego. And how is the Ego expressed? Τhe manifestation of the Ego is a movement towards pleasure/safety and away from pain/displeasure/uncertainty, in order that this Self is kept satisfied, secure..
The writer noticed that this movement/urge for pleasure and avoidance of pain is rising from the depth. During this rising there are no words or thoughts to recognize, identify the movement with a known emotion. If we are not attentive this primordial urge gives birth to thoughts/words a bit later and in a matter of tiny particles of time an emotion is born. This urge creates thoughts/words like “I need to be very careful with my partner because he will probably exploit me” and the very next moment the emotion of suspicion is born. Or thoughts like “Oh i am cool, i’ve got the highest rank” and another emotion, the emotion of satisfaction, appears. And this won’t stop there. A new thought/emotion will soon be attached to the previous one. So while the basic movement of Ego is to chase pleasure and avoid pain thought has the potential to shatter this initial movement to multiple fragments (emotions) which are contradictory (like satisfaction for achieving something and at the same moment fear that probably i will later abolish this achievement) and give birth to a sense of confusion, chaos, which is really painful. When an emotion is then necessarily a problem is also (even if we refer to a “positive”, pleasant emotion).
Now the question is whether its possible to watch/observe this movement from its very beginning, when this urge for chasing pleasure or avoiding pain is just appearing. This is crucial because if observing happens before any word or thought appears (they are actually one thing) there is a very intense non verbal (thus non conditioned) perception, a very deep understanding of the triviality of this insane urge for pleasure/avoidance of pain.. This in depth, direct perception makes it impossible that thoughts and emotions appear. So the chain of thought/emotions breaks in its very beginning. In such tremendous attention/awareness/alertness, one experiences no psychological problems, one is happy, careless, joyous, compassionate, like an innocent child.
Investigate this statement, if you wish, but don’t investigate it intellectually.. and find if there is truth on that. And try it, try to observe the movement of Ego from its very beginning! There is marvelous beauty on such alive observation.