A few days ago there was a discussion about the exclusivity/possession in human relationship. Yesterday there was another discussion with a friend that related with a married man. Two people, friends or erotic partners, relate.. what is commonly considered as a healthy relationship is a relationship that implies possession and a sense of exclusivity, attachment.. you are MY friend and you should care for me, you should satisfy my expectations, you shouldn’t put anyone else above me, i should be your first priority.. and i will try to offer you exactly the same... in the case of two erotic partners, there is demand for absolute exclusivity, while in the case of friends we could say there is demand for relative exclusivity (this term sounds a bit contradictory but i guess its clear what is implied with that).Now once two people relate there is huge resistance in the possibility that one of them also relates with other people.. usually people consider this as something completely abnormal, unacceptable, or as a sign of lack of love for the one you relate with. What is the root of this belief, this tendency for possession?
Is it probably that people crave for some safety, for a sense or regularity, routine, for a sense that things will remain stable, things won’t ever change? Is it that they need to be sure that they will know what will happen tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the rest of their lives? Is the fear of the unknown that leads people to this crave for exclusivity? Isn’t it that people need to be sure that they will possess/own at least one sexual partner and a few friends in order to avoid feeling alone? Answer such questions on your own.
And is such fear that leads to possession an innocent/harmless fear? Or it necessarily implies pain, anger conflict, misery, retaliations? Once someone succeeds to make one’s relationship stable, not changing, there is necessary routine, repetition.. and then boredom comes inevitably.. so the case is that people struggle for for a secure, steady, repetitive future and at the same moment they are bored. There is huge contradiction because people fight against all factors that may bring any change (like the interest of our partner for a third man/woman) and at the same moment they hate, they can’t stand this stability, this repetition.
Most of times people succeed to conquer a relative regularity and the natural boredom that rises is destructive.. boredom poisons relationship, one can’t even stand living with one’s partner, one wants to avoid, escape from one’s partner and at the same moment one tries to make one’s partner a slave.. such contradiction makes man violent, primitive, dominative. One wants to split because one is bored to death with one’s partner and at the same moment one is scared to death in the thought that one probably will lose one’s partner, one will live alone, which will destroy one’s secure/convenient routine!
So is such relationship, based on fear, possession, conflict, an actual one? Or is it an imaginary structure based on ideals, beliefs and fantasy regarding exclusivity, attachment and possession? Its urgent to answer such questions, isn’t it?
PS: It’s not suggested here a concept of polygamy rather than a concept of exclusivity. Only question that is put here is whether we can move over such opposite concepts to something completely different, fresh, new, alive..