A few months ago the writer had an insight on death.. actually it was an insight on living and dying. The writer found that to live is to die. Today, after an incident that happened, I would like to delve into this intense pain and grieving that is following the death of a beloved one. There is a common belief that we grieve for the one we used to love and is now dead. We will show this is not the case, that this grieving has nothing to do with love!
We’ve found in that previous diary that we know nothing about what happens after death. The only thing we know is that the body dies, the brain dies, and memories, images, ideas, habits, fears, all die with it. This is a fact, not a strange idea of the writer.
And once one dies, his/her closed ones are grieving, they are experiencing a most acute pain. Why is this happening? Its quite obvious that they can do nothing to bring the dead back. They are sad for the person that died, but this person doesn’t exist anymore. So they are grieving for a dead memory. Its seems this pain is irrelevant to the dead one. This man/woman died and this can’t change. The dead is not feeling pain, the dead is not suffering, the dead doesn’t even exist. So this grieving is definitely not a love action for the dead.
So why are we grieving, why are we in pain? Which is the root of our sorrow? Or even better, Who is (in) Sorrow? Isn’t the Me, the Ego? Isn’t it the Ego that was used to the presence of the dead person? Isn’t it the Ego that was attached to the dead? The Ego which was feeling secure by means of this familiar, habitual, repetitive relationship * with the one that died. And now this person (to whom we used to depend on) doesn’t exist anymore so there is fear, insecurity, a feeling of emptiness, a sense of vanity, an utter loneliness **.
So what is actually the root of this grieving, this suffering? It appears to be quite clear now: its the the pity for the self, itself! Its just self pity, nothing noble, nothing precious, nothing that has to do with love. We suffer because the known, the familiar, the secure, the comfortable, was destroyed. And not being able to live happily into the unknown (is it really inevitable?) we just feel self pity about this loss of the known..
Yet you shouldn’t accept what is showed here. You need to investigate on your own, to see the truth or falseness of it.
* We may investigate whether this was a real or a fake relationship
** If someone is really observative, one will find that there was an illusion of non loneliness before the death, not actual non loneliness – it would also be interesting to delve at this.