Is relationship among the most important things in life? Part of “to live” is “to relate”, right? But what exactly is a relationship? Is it crystal clear? Is relationship a movement of verbal or non verbal communication, body touch, interest, sharing, cooperation, companionship and affection? And what is the role of Time in a relationship? Time as the past, as experience, as the images we have for each other..
First we need to find if relationship is a movement in Time. If time plays a role in a relationship i would like to ask if such relationship is an actual one. We see time is experiences, images and time is our expectations for the future. Time is “my friend was there when my girlfriend abandoned me, so i owe him”. And time is “unfortunately my girlfriend is very insecure” or “i think i expect too many things from my friends”. And time is “The three of us had a great time in this trip in Berlin, hopefully we will do it again next year” or “we live together for 12 years and i think we will be together forever”. All this is Time.. now what happens when i have such images for another? What happens when I carry several ideas, images for me and for the one we relate? Isn’t it that our whole approach in relationship is distorted through such images? I think i am patient and you are very demanding and all my reactions derive from these images.. you may be also be dominated by similar images and you also just react according to them. Isn’t it actually that we don’t relate at all? Isn’t it that only our images relate? This is obvious, isn’t it? We don’t imply here that memories should be erased (Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind), this would be silly. We just say that once Time is having a psychological effect on a relationship (identification with images, thoughts, memories), the relationship doesn’t exist at all. This is not an opinion of the writer, this is a fact.
So if relationship is not Time, what is it? Is it just to be Present? You meet someone for first time and there is a sense of interest and affection and you share things, you discuss about the problems of life, like friends. You live with your partner for 25 years and there is a moment of vast beauty where you look at him/her as it is the first time you see him/her. This is relationship. To be present, no matter what happened in the past and what are our expectations for the future. Being present, you simply relate, this happens effortlessly. And once you relate its probably another opportunity of learning yourself. Exactly like when watching a tree, a cloud or a bird flying, in a moment of actual relationship its possible to reflect a fold of yourself without the distortive mirror of ideas, images, stereotypes. That very moment you learn about yourself.. you can see the rise of jealousy, the fear of loneliness, the brutality of competition.. it seems like everything can be seen through the mirror of a living, fresh, new relationship. And the moment you learn you need to leave behind what you’ve found so as to not make it another dead image/knowledge.
Again the writer doesn’t matter at all. But if you wish you may examine what is communicated here.